My liege, the communists are attacking with their invidious HR3200 strategy

I did it, and you can too. Political madlibs at I Can Has Tarp?.

My liege, the Royal Majesty Representative Gene Taylor,

Forgive my impertinence, but we have sent many a messenger to date and have received no reply.

Word has spread from the tribes of the north of communists building a fleet of many a flat bottomed riverboat to attack the kingdom in response to your Royal HR3200 and other Healthcare Change Bills decree!

They must not be allowed to succeed. I beg thee, in the name of the Crown – order thy soldiers to take up the baseball bat to repel the evil invaders!

We have begun to organize the defenses around Vancleave in anticipation, but reinforcements are sorely needed; a plague of cholera has infected the camp and decimated our numbers; morale is plummetting and even the knights have taken to sweet tea! We require a reserve force of no less than 1.7 Trillion soldiers to hold the territory.

A glorious battle, to be sung of ages hence, is at hand. And lo, in those days to come, when peace reigns once more throughout the land, men will dine on crawfish and tell the tale.

May divine Providence be with us.

Duke Dick Butkis

Too funny!

beaglescout-48.jpg

Technorati Tags: , ,

Goode Family looks Great!

The Goode Family is the new project from Mike Judge. If I were forced to pitch it in a sentence, it is a satire of greens, vegans, Algoracle, and political correctness that is to King of the Hill what Futurama was to the Simpsons. Except it looks like it raises KotH on funniness instead of being less funny, the opposite of what Futurama did to the Simpsons.

beaglescout-48.jpg

Technorati Tags: , , , , ,

Guantanamo Bay to become Resort & Health Spa

January 19 – Guantanamo Bay Cuba
by Peter Crouch & David Nugent (JKN)

Top officials in the office of the President Elect have revealed that as soon as Barack Obama is sworn in as President of the US, Guantanamo Bay Detention Center will be closed and renovations will begin to transform the detention facility for notorious terrorist war criminals into a top echelon, exclusive resort and residential health spa. The famous bay itself will be redubbed Rock Candy Bay, and the new, twin facilities will be the Abu Fatty Resort and the adjoining Rock Candy Mountain Health Spa. Ernesto Rafael Guevara de la Serna will be the director of the new facility. He promises to continue the tradition of the salads, halal meats, and middle eastern specialties. The new facility intends to capitalize on the name recognition of Gitmo and market intensively to wealthy jetstream liberals like Pamela Anderson and Anne Hathaway, and also to wealthy Saudis and Pakistanis who may be curious or nostalgic about the facility.

Prices start at $2001 per night, meals included. Liquor and attractive Cuban escorts are extra. Photographers are guaranteed to be kept away from the resort by the minefields that the Cuban government has placed around it, which will appeal to glitterati and the jet-set crowd. Private beaches, plentiful fishing, and the health spa facilities fill up guests’ recreation hours in the seaside tropical paradise. A brochure for the resort says, “The meals will include meats prepared according to Islamic guidelines, along with fresh bread, vegetables and yogurt. With nearly all guests fasting in the daytime during the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, chefs have arranged for a post-sunset meal and a midnight meal. Traditional desserts and honey also are served during the Ramadan observances.”

Guevara adds with a wry smile as he puffs on a Cuban Montecristo cigar, “the experience including the food is going to be so good, if they don’t like it they ought to be shot.”

Guests at Gitmo getting shot. Now that’s the kind of change America voted for when it elected Barack Obama, along with turning Gitmo into a high class resort for guys from Saudi Arabia and Pakistan!

beaglescout-48.jpg

Technorati Tags: , , ,

Liberal Comedians: BO Not Funny!

NEW YORK (November 11, 2008) — Liberal comedians are talking about where the funny went, experts say.

Liberal comedians like Jay Leno and David Letterman are worried about their jokes now that George W. Bush (GWB) will be leaving the White House and Barack Obama (BO) will be taking his place. You see, BO just isn’t funny.

Many Hollywood and entertainment figures, who strived, slaved, and sweated for BO during the campaign, are exhausted but happy now that Prince Messiah President-elect BO will be crowned inaugurated on January 20. The unique historic victory, the first of its type ever in the known or unknown universe in all the myriad reaches of time going millions and millions of years back, is so awe-inspiring that it transports ordinary Joe and Jane Sixpacks into tears of happiness for the racially transformative election that redeemed America on November 4. But this incredible awesomeness has its dark side. It isn’t funny.

Comedian Bill Maher is worried. “I’m not really a funny guy,” he said when interviewed in a bordello near Las Vegas. “I mean, I’m sure you have noticed how unfunny I am. If I can’t make jokes about how the President mispronounces ‘nuclear’ or correct his grammatical errors or jeer at him for believing in God like some kind of neanderthal then I might as well give it up and just work as a DJ in a titty bar or something.” Maher later said he might take up drinking heavily in an Obama administration. “A drunk is always funny. Imagine a cross between Red Skelton and a real-life Krusty the Klown. I could be a good foul-mouthed, angry drunk. I own that role!”

“Obama’s election is great for our country but bad for comedy,” said Michael Musto, a columnist for New York City’s Village Voice. “He is an earnest, intelligent person trying to rescue a country in crisis and that’s not all that hilarious.”

As comedians look for ways to poke fun at BO, his race is unlikely to be the target. Certainly for white comedians his race is verboten. Nor will white Jewish and Christian comedians be making fun of his middle name.

Muslim comedians are a different story. Comedian Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf said to the New Riyadh Times, “I intend to make fun of every situation you could ever imagine about a president named ‘Hussein.’ Jokes about stoning adulteresses, beheading infidels, sneaking out of the White House in a burkah to visit a camel, the sky is the limit!”

“Infidel comedians are putting their lives on the line if they go down this road,” he said. “You better be ready to tell Allah your joke killed.”

Summing up, President BO is going to preside over more than just an economic Depression. The consensus is there will also be a Depression in comedy.

beaglescout-48.jpg

Trackposted to , Rosemary’s Thoughts, Faultline USA, third world county, Right Truth, The World According to Carl, DragonLady’s World, The Pink Flamingo, Cao’s Blog, Democrat=Socialist, Right Voices, and Gone Hollywood, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.

Technorati Tags: , , ,

“Save the Uighurs from Gitmo!” they said

October 8, 2008
by Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf (Washington, DC)

Seventeen Uighur terrorists, taken prisoner by the US in an Al Qaeda training camp in Afghanistan, whom Judge Ricardo Urbina yesterday ordered be released onto the streets of Washington DC by this Friday, today had the terms of their release challenged by Winton Demarassey, ACLU lawyer. Demarassey stated, since the DC gun ban was overthrown by DC v. Heller, Washington DC was no longer a safe place for Muslim terrorists to settle down. “I filed a brief requesting the court to resettle the seventeen Uighur jihadists in a highly populated region that has totally disarmed its citizens, a city like Presidential candidate Barack Obama’s hometown, Chicago.” The city of big shoulders has a complete ban on gun ownership in the city and is thought to be a much safer place to resettle America-hating jihadists who have been trained by Al Qaeda in secret operations, bomb-making, and the manufacture of primitive chemical and biological weapons.

“I have already sent personal recommendations to a Chicago employer that runs a massive chemical plant near the population center of the Chicago region,” says Demarassey. “That would be a swell job for them, especially with their training in practical chemistry.”

When this reporter questioned the Barack Obama campaign about this story, campaign manager David Axelrod asked if the Uighurs were being resettled in Hyde Park. “Geez, I hope not. That’d be bad!” Axlerod added.

beaglescout-48.jpg

Trackposted to The Virtuous Republic, Blog @ MoreWhat.com, , Rosemary’s Thoughts, third world county, Faultline USA, The World According to Carl, Shadowscope, The Pink Flamingo, Leaning Straight Up, Cao’s Blog, Democrat=Socialist, and Right Voices, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.

Technorati Tags: , , , ,

Ig Nobel Prizes for Scientific Jokers

Harvard University

Image via Wikipedia

Dueling scientific studies at Harvard University and from a group of Taiwanese doctors proved that Coca-Cola was and was not an effective spermicide. A study from New Mexico proved that strippers get more tips when at their peak fertility. A study from Sao Paulo Brazil showed that armadillos make a big mess when they get into archaological digs. A study from Toulouse France showed that dog-dwelling fleas can jump higher than cat-dwelling fleas. A study from Duke University showed that expensive fake medicine is more effective than cheap fake medicine. Many ludicrous studies were eligible for IgNobel Prizes and these were some of the winners. Is “winners” really the word I am looking for?

What is truly astounding is how many joke studies were in the field asking to be raised to the Ignobility. Why are researchers and educators spending time on this piffle? Is this the next step after the successful leftist usurpation of the educational establishment; the wholesale replacement of all research and teaching with jokes?

beaglescout-48.jpg

Trackposted to Diary of the Mad Pigeon, Perri Nelson’s Website, The Virtuous Republic, third world county, Faultline USA, Woman Honor Thyself, McCain Blogs, The World According to Carl, Pirate’s Cove, The Pink Flamingo, Cao’s Blog, Conservative Cat, and Right Voices, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.

Technorati Tags: , , , ,

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]